This entire competition, I’ve been fighting against my own exhaustion and apathy, and I think I just lost.
I guess It’s not so bad. I got a ton done, and I proved to myself that I can get a ton done even when I don’t feel motivated at all, but still. I really wanted to finish something I could be proud of.
It turns out it’s really hard to finish something you can be proud of within 48 hours. Particularly if you’re of a perfectionist attitude and seldom feel proud of anything you do. Particularly particularly if you’re also struggling with depression and anxiety due to holiday stresses and seasonal shit.
Well, whatever. I don’t intend to make excuses, but I also don’t intend to beat myself up over it. So many events in our lives end up not providing quite what we wanted from them, and if you focus too hard on that you end up not appreciating all the good things those events DO bring you. So it’s not so bad.
Maybe I’ll finish the game over the next week, if I decide it’s something worth doing. Probably not. I’ll write up everything I did on it tomorrow, where I was intending on taking it, why I thought it was good, etcetera. That will probably go up sometime in the afternoon. And, after that, starting Wednesday, it’s back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Which sounds kind of nice, actually, at this point.